The end of MasterPeace

I flipped the switches...one by one, down the long column...and in response, each row of lights in the theatre flicked off. With one leg hooked around the doorframe, hanging into the funny little room with all the breakers for the theatre, I shut down the lights as I've done so, so many times before. Most nights of rehearsal and performance, this is my job. Except I went much slower tonight, because this time, I realized, would probably be the last. The finality hit me in that moment, and I got a little nostalgic.

Tonight, an end of a (short) era for me. I've been working with MasterPeace Productions and Laney since the summer show last year, 2009, and tonight was our last show. Laney is leaving employment with the church (First Baptist Church of Scottsdale) to do something else, and that most likely means that MasterPeace will be no more. Even if someone else does take over, its uncertain that I'd continue, so at this point I'm saying goodbye.

This show (Cheaper by the Dozen), has been an interesting learning and growing experience for me...12 kids is a lot, regardless if you have experience handling kids or not. I do not. So that was an interesting thing...learning how to motivate kids - and adults alike. God has been teaching me things about relationships at the same time this has been going, so it's been quite the stretching exercise.

Not too much more to say at the moment. I'll be taking a short break and have the next few months sketched out as far as next projects, but mostly they involve travel.

I'm supposed to attend a week-long training class in San Francisco in April, assuming my company will send me. Attached to that trip, I should be spending the prior weekend with my best friend Amanda in nearby Santa Cruz. And sometime in April I'm going to visit pregnant best friend Teesha in San Diego for the weekend.

May...church weekend trip to Lost Canyon with a bunch of other church young adult groups...looks like it'll be an awesome time.

June brings a 10-day trip home to VA for my sister Grace's wedding. It's 2 days before my birthday, and I fly out the day after. Oh, and on that note, I've decided no more big birthday parties...the big three-oh last year was the last one...

July...err...do I have anything scheduled yet?

August...Teesha's baby is due, and in her mind, she thinks she's gonna call me when she goes into labor, I'm going to hop in a plane, and be there for the birth. She's always had this idea, even before she got pregnant. I dunno how it'll work, but we'll see!

Somewhere in there we'll be doing some major film stuff with VerticalBlu, and I'll probably be doing a lot of church volunteer projects, and wedding stuff with Grace. So I guess I'll hold off on committing to any new theatre stuff till after August, huh...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

'The One'

A line from a play or letter or blog or something from my college days just jumped into my memory.  Something along the lines of, "...you're out there searching, searching for 'The One', then suddenly you find him or her and everything is amazing, until you realize, he/she's not 'The One', but you figure 'The One' is out there so you go back out and search and find another 'One', until you realize, that person, too, is not 'The One', and you continue round and round this mad circle..."

Well I remember it so much better than that, so it must've been well written, but I've lost the edge of the writing with time and sleeplessness, of course.  But I remember agreeing with it so heartily back in college...all those musings on life and love during that period...

And now, just now, when it popped into my head, another thought popped up right behind it.  "'The One' is not a man or woman..." 

Wow...all this time - it's just hit me like a lighting bolt.  'The One' is Him...God himself...come on now, why wasn't this completely utterly smashingly obvious before? 

We're all searching for God - but we replace Him with someone else instead - attribute a potential beau with all the lovely things we really should be looking to God for...He'll support us - love us - protect us - guide us - complete us - hold us - speak to us - listen to us - provide for us...but when 'The One' human doesn't live up to our expectations (which are of God), the dream is shattered and we can't understand why he/she's not 'The One' after all.  We pour ourselves into this relationship that's a shallow pool's reflection of the depth and width and height and breadth of God's true relationship with us.

And we wonder why we're always disappointed.

Set your sights on things above and away from this world and you will be filled with the everlasting satisfaction that comes from knowing and loving our God the King.

God speaks...even at 1:20am from a random person's blog...

I'm lifting this from a World Racer's blog (someone whose blog I have been reading for a while tonight, linked by someone linked by someone else on the team with my old roommate Chelsea...basically, God's taking me through some amazing blogs and pointing out specific things to me and I'm just reading and crying and praying intermittently all night...thank you Lord...)

http://marissavilla.theworldrace.org/?filename=starbucks


Dear Child,


Dream big dreams. Many of your dreams are my dreams for your life. I share your excitement for the future, and I have big plans for you. I have held them in my heart since before you were born. I want to see them become a reality as much as you do. Trust me to fulfill my plans for your life. I have a path in mind for you to follow. Trust and follow me on your journey. With me, all things are possible...only believe. Depend on the Lord in whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

Love, God

My testimony, first draft

Here's the text of my testimony I am working on...would welcome all constructive critisms...don't be shy, I need some editing help now...



Although I grew up in a Christian home and understood the Bible, looking back I can see that I was a participant more than a believer. As I moved into high school and college, my parents’ faith never really felt like it was mine. I began to search for a fun life – and more and more began to lean on friends, activities, men, and alcohol to have fun. But the more I searched for fun, the lower I got. After college, I ended up living with and engaged to a non-Christian for five years. After chasing my own brand of happiness and what I thought I wanted for my life, I had dropped to an extreme low. I had closed down most of the good relationships in my life (including my family) and clung to my fiancée because for some reason, I thought he was providing for me – but in actuality, all of the finances (and therefore, debt) were my burden. My life consisted of going to work, coming home, and watching TV every night and most weekends. I had gone from a very active and motivated person to one who barely left the house and didn’t see where her life was headed – and didn’t really care.

A few weeks after finally breaking up with my fiancée, I woke up with an overwhelming desire to go to church. I knew I had to make a change, and God provided a loving place for me to make my recovery. I remember attending that first service and just feeling His love wrap around me like a big hug. I quickly realized He had been waiting for me this whole time – while I was off living my life on my terms, He was waiting and willing to forgive me for all my sins. I learned and finally really understood the real gospel – that we are separated from a perfect God because of our sin – but that He made a way to bridge that gap by coming as a man to die for our sins.

I slowly began to break out of the rubble that I had piled on my life. God surfaced my personality – I found Joy again in the literal and figurative sense. Where once money was my worry and obsession, He brought me through a series of very specific circumstances to free my heart from financial anxiety, and show me how He would provide for me – I needed to trust in Him, not myself or any other man.

Today, I want to tell my story in case someone else is in the situation I was in. As much as you try, you can’t do it on your own – get out of a relationship, out of depression, out of debt – but you can with God. My life is still tough at times and I’m still paying off the last of my debt four years later – but I now have hope and a purpose, and above all, I have a relationship with One who will never fail me. Now all I can do is thank Him for His grace, His provision, His mercy, and for not letting me marry that guy.

My heart

My heart yearns for relationships. To be built, to be sustained, to be transformed by You. You are the holy one, the Savior that was promised. I pray for each relationship I have. I cover them in protective prayer. I cover my friends and family in His grace and mercy. I cry out for those that don't know You...and those that have strayed from You. My tears cannot amount to Your blood shed for us in Your great sacrifice.

What is your grace? How do we accept this gift without anything to equal the balance? We will never live close to Your perfection - yet You want us anyway. How can this be? How can You want this imperfect people?

It all comes back to relationship. How can a father not desire his children? How then can a Father not desire his children? Even when they pull away...He is still there waiting and tugging their dirty sleeve.

We realize He is tugging...and try to pull away...some of us try to clean up the sleeve on our own - but knowing it'll never be crisp and clean and white again, for our sin is splashed across in bright reds. Then some of us turn, dirty sleeve, dirty face, dirty heart. We turn to Him, and He is waiting. We run to Him, dirty as we are, and as we pull away from the huge bear hug, we look down to our starched white shirt, no hint of stain because He has taken it all.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I think I'm officially decided...I'm a night owl. Given the chance, I will generally stay up till 2AM. And given another chance, I revert to 8 hrs sleep.

Julie & Julia

I utterly adore the film Julie & Julia.  We watched it (again, for me) tonight, and I just can't get over how inspiring, funny, and heart-warming it is for me.  I saw it when it came out in the theatres a few months ago with my good friend Tiffani, and loved it so much I went out and bought the two books it was done from - My Life in France by Julia Child, and Julie & Julia by Julie Powell - that night.  Needless to say, I haven't actually gotten to read either one (darn, why didn't I think to bring them to read on the plane?!), but really do hope I can soon.

I think my first love is just the character of Julia Child...I hope Meryl Streep gets and Oscar for it, because she just did an absolutely amazing job.  I adore her Julia...to the point I want to learn more and more about her...and possibly pick up some of her videos or books...or maybe even learn how to cook!  LOL


The love of food in the film is just tangible...and the love between the couples is so amazing.  I adore the partnership between Julia and Paul (and I just love Stanley Tucci!), and also Julie's relationship with her husband is beautiful as well.

I delight in seeing Julia's sister and then Avis, and her reaction to each meeting.  I cry every time they touch that longing for a child in Meryl's performance.  I rejoice in Julia's triumphs in cooking school (oh, the onions!), and the eventual acceptance of the book.  I long to know her!

But along with my love of Julia's character, is how I relate to Julie's side of the story.  There she is...on the edge of thirty...trying to find something to power through, some project to keep herself going through life - something important to say, "Yes, here I am!  See, I can make my mark too!"  She is lucky enough to have someone by her side through all this - I so far am going it alone.  But when they get to her 30th birthday party and she says something about how terrible she thought it would be, they made it bearable, and not so bad...yep, definitely felt if not said, something almost exactly the same this year...

And Paris...oh PARIS!  It just makes me want to go there...speak French again...EAT...  Everything was a beautiful, gorgeous (albeit rosy) version of a city I've had a vague inkling I'd like to visit someday, turned to a raging 'I need to go NOW!' urge that is very uncharacteristic of this person who travels for people, not places.  I've really never had the huge travelling bug, seeing places just isn't a huge priority for me (seeing people IS), but this film just makes me want to hop the next ocean-crossing flight and somehow catch a Delorean to go back in time to this picturesque town.

Surprisingly, I didn't think to just buy this movie.  I rented it from RedBox, but since it's only $1, then I'll be fine to buy it later.  If I had to pay more than that, I probably would have weighed the difference and bought my own copy, because I know I'll watch this one at least a few more times before I'm tired of it...if ever...